Monday, March 25, 2013

Normal? Or a New Normal?

My life, and the life of my family has been completely flipped upside down since my Mammaw fell, received surgery, then was put in rehab. I found, what I thought, was our new normal. Then, a month later, she had a stroke that left her with minimal speech, and then went back to rehab. I was fearful to leave her. It was as if I felt I could stop another "bad thing" from happening.

My presence didn't matter. It took me a few long weeks of ignoring my home, running to and from the nursing home (rehab), and being completely emotionally and physically exhausted to realize, the only Presence that mattered, was Him.

This beautiful woman, who helped shape my faith, taught me to trust Him, and loved me unconditionally, taught me, in the midst of her storm, that even in this, I should trust Him. She didn't say anything, she may not have even known I struggled, but her own attitude and dedication, and determination to read her Bible and excitement over seeing her brother-in-law come to know Jesus, was enough for me.

What I've come to know, or at least relearn, is that we aren't promised perfect lives. And for now, THIS is my new normal, I can accept and deal with it, trusting His perfect guidance, or I can sulk and groan about how I don't like it or want what "was."  I know the precious lady who has taught me so many lessons in life isn't groaning. She's accepting each day as it comes, trusting Him to lead her through. 

Thank you Father, for this precious being who even in her own time of need, is teaching lessons.....Amen


It's the same, but different.....

(Disclaimer: I don't fully agree with the stmt above, but I did giggle when I saw it. We are blessed with many people who are a part of our "village" and we are thrilled to have them partner with us. The World as a whole, see above stmt.)

It's the same, but different; different, but the same. I had to embrace this cold, hard truth to make it ours, to be in line with His plan. These truth that, my kids are no longer in public school; that I cannot and was never intended to recreate this atmosphere for them in our home. Then came the other truths that I had long forgotten in the midst of building my curriculum, buying supplies, and organizing my day. 

Our school is to be Christ-centered. It was our prayer from the beginning. What begin in Him, should remain focused on Him. It is to allow them to grow with Christ as an active part of their daily thoughts, and create relationship with Him. Our school is to be about instilling a desire and love for learning. That is, mom, one-on-one with the kiddos, creating a LOVE and DESIRE for learning. And, all else, in my opinion, will fall into place. AND IT HAS! Our school isn't run by textbooks, but by learning. That is, we have guidelines, but it is not all bookwork and worksheets, tables are fun for a while, but kids need to be learning hands-on and understanding, not memorizing. I am so thankful for the ability to live in my country where I have this freedom!

Those things were lost, but only for a moment. And when I realized my error, and that I, in fact, had attempted to recreate "school" at home, I stopped. And everything fell right into place. Perfectly. It's because it's the same, but different; different, but the same. School has many faces. WE are one of them.                  

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Eraser and The Cross....

Two very different things...from two very different times...yet so much in common.  I watched my youngest son, learning to write, make a mistake and erase it. No evidence remained of his previous mistake. And he was able to write again, successfully. The eraser did the magic. It took away the mistake, left him a clean slate to try again. Just like the cross, I'm learning and forever will be. I make a mistake, I ask my Father to forgive me and mercifully, he does. My slate is clean, I get to try again...and again....and again. Two very different things...from two very different times....yet so much in common.

But if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done. 1 John 1:9 (NCV)

Saturday, March 9, 2013

A moment in time.....

These moments, so precious, so few.....his hand on my chest, his breath in my face, watching the rise and fall of his chest....the minutes have changed to hours, the hours into days, the days into weeks, and weeks into months, now months into precious, so few....As I've watched him grow, I'm amazed, that what began so new, so innocent, has become this being, so amazing, so brilliant, and yet, the innocence remains. I'd like time to stop, if just for a day, so I could take it all in....rewind a few years, to remember the smells, the sounds, the moments....they're all but memories now, and all to soon, he'll be grown, a family of his own, cuddling his own little one to sleep and repeating these thoughts....

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Where is Your Faith?

I'm currently continuing my Good Morning Girls Bible Study in Luke. At the same time, I'm going through storms I never dreamed I'd encounter. I've faced fears, and fear of certain situations and people who cause I allow to cause such anxiety to arise in me, it is paralyzing at times.

As I was reading in Luke tonight, I was reminded of several things. I'll share the passage I was drawn to:

One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and started out. As they sailed across, Jesus settled down for a nap. But soon a fierce storm came down on the lake. The boat was filling with water, and they were in real danger. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and the raging waves. Suddenly the storm stopped and all was calm. Then he asked them, “Where is your faith?” The disciples were terrified and amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “When he gives a command, even the wind and waves obey him!” (Luke 8:22-25 NLT)

My first realization was, that my "ship"may be tossing in the "storm"...but my Captain is always accessible. I only need to ask aka PRAY! It seems when I encounter a storm, one such as the one I'm in, I forget to keep close to Him.

While it seems like a natural thing for a Christian, and it should be, I'm still human. I'm pulled in many different directions and at times, I feel as if I've gone overboard without my life jacket. I struggle with purpose, direction, and staying in His presence. Yet tonight, He nudged me, and told me.."I'm here."

As I pondered and prayed some more. I wonder how many times He's said to me "Where's your faith?" I know I've acted and maybe even felt as if things are hopeless, at times. Yet, He IS my Hope. And, in Him, I find all that I need; peace, love, contentment, joy (even through the tears), and most of all, safety and comfort.

I pray that whatever storm you have encountered or will encounter that you, through this, are reminded of His love. How will you handle your storm? Will you have Faith? Will you trust your Captain?